Quit smoking: Find Your Reason

My Facebook post on the 10th of July 2019.

Start Your Journey Toward a Smoke-Free Life Today.

How I started mine...

On the morning of July 9, I had smoked the last 3 sticks of Marlboro that I had. I wanted to smoke, I needed to smoke. But I spent a moment thinking about the conversation I had the night before. Róbert and I agreed that I would count the number of sticks that I would smoke daily, and slowly reduce that number. Although I agreed, I felt that it would not work for me. I should know. I tried it once before, only to learn the hard way that it was a shitty idea - it doubled the number of sticks I smoked. For five whole minutes (it felt more like an eternity), I repeatedly asked myself what I should do about this "painful" craving that was making my head turn 360 degrees - oh I was losing my mind. But I had a choice: send my helper to buy me a whole ream or quit smoking. I did the latter.

Two whole hours had passed. Was I craving for a smoke? Yes. But I continued to ignore the screams in my head. Baby steps, I thought to myself. First, I should get in the car and head off to work. My twenty minute travel to the office felt like I was trapped inside a cage; for all I wanted to do was to get out and roar like a lion on the loose, but I made it to my destination without going insane.

Once at the office, I headed towards my desk with the continual thought of inhaling the very fumes that I had learned to love for twenty-eight years. But I ignored my thought. As time passed, minutes became hours and my hours felt like I was burning in hell. My thoughts seemed more like the Devil, taunting me and making my life miserable. All I wanted to do was sit outside the front door with a stick in my hand - puffing, puffing and puffing. Many years ago, I was dubbed "the chimney" by many of my friends - clearly, you can see why.

The day was far from over, but more than eight hours had passed and I was still sane. The craving, the hunger, the need and the want - I could not give in. It was only getting more difficult as the day was nearing its end, but today I chose to quit and I am not going to give in to my inner demons (little bastards). I have to be strong. I have to be.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell. I just wanted to run amok and grab the first stick of cigarette that I could get my hands on. My first night without having smoked since I got up in the morning was painful, sad and simply maddening. But self-control had to be my new best friend; for it was the key to live through the first night.

The next day, I got up and reminded myself of everything that I had endured the day before. Was I happy about it? Yes and no. I hate the fact that I had to feel like shit all day. But I was glad that I managed to go by a day without a cigarette in my mouth.

"So, pucker up those lips of yours dear but you are not getting another stick in there - you, bad girl, you!"

Don't think for a second that quitting is just a walk in the park because it is definitely not. Quitting is more like walking on a floor covered with shards of glass. Find your reason; the strength and will to quit will follow. Pay attention to today, ignore the urge and the time will add up. Before you know it, one day will be five months.

I have been smoke-free for five months now. If I can do it, so can you. You just have to want it. I know I did.

(image is not mine https://hiveminer.com/User/The%20Funerals.)